SITUATION QUESTION:

A former client wrote saying she was at her "rope's end" with everything that had happened to her in business, and personally too over the last year.

She had recently been elevated to a Director position after twenty years in the industry with several companies. Last week she learned that her company was probably going to be bought out by a much larger firm, and her job and Director salary could be at risk. Along with this, she was working through a divorce, caring for three young children and applying for a refinance on her home so she and the children could stay in the same neighborhood and schools. Becoming a single parent with the added responsibilities of home maintenance and childcare, plus a demanding job that was new to her was overwhelming and stressful.

Since I had coached, counseled and mentored her through some trying times with another company a few years ago, she contacted me for advice on how to cope with everything she has on her plate now.

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SOLUTIONS:
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Since many of my clients have or are going through some of these challenges too, I decided to share many of the suggestions that were given to her.

When you start worrying and stressing about "one more thing" that has been dumped in your lap and you are at your "rope's end," read some of these suggestions to calm yourself into more RESILIENCY.

The TREND (in your life) really is your FRIEND....so flow with it, not against it...resisting change only makes the changes harder. Your life is in a state of flux with lots of changes and lessons to learn now.

Accept what you can't change, change the things you can change, and watch what comes in.....have the thoughts that draw the good and wonderful to you....even if you don't recognize them as good at first. Your mind is powerful to attract what you need and want, both personally and professionally. You have already attracted lots of good your way in your career, and also in starting a family at the same time.

Make the time to get organized so you can stay focused on the moment and not pulled in too many directions at once. It will give you a chance to relax and know that you are on top of everything....regardless of the next thing that comes along.

This will allow you to "put on the BLINDERS," so to speak, and just do what is in front of you. That's the way one of my clients was able to get through all the things coming down on him when he founded a start-up business. Within two months of the opening he was sued for everything he and his wife owned by the owner of a company he had previously managed. He resigned from the former company because the bills were not being paid and promises for essential equipment were not kept. Since the people who worked there didn't want to stay either, they also resigned and asked to work for him at his new business. In the lawsuit he was accused of stealing his former employer's employees and business which he had not done.

Instead of replacing the employees who had resigned, the owner closed the doors to his business and filed the malicious law suit that went on for 7 years. It hung over my client's head so heavily at times that he didn't think he could handle one more thing....but of course, he did. The man suing him went through 7 different lawyers in 7 years and finally settled out of court...with my client paying him an additional $7500. His attorney said it could have cost him even more if he had been assigned the wrong judge, and especially since there were gray areas in the case.

During that time, he did what he needed to do to keep things going. He kept organized, prioritized his time....and "put on the blinders" to do just what was in front of him...instead of worrying about the possibilities of disaster all the time. It eventually took the stress away.....like a mini vacation, until he had to deal with the next phase of it. It also helped him stay positive and resilient to build his new business during the 7-year law suit.

Before you put on YOUR blinders, look at all the times in the past when you felt you needed to start getting your resume ready to look for another job....and yet, you made it through the rough patches and have 20+ years experience in a business you know well. Congratulations! This new career threat will eventually work out to your benefit, just as all the other tense times have....so let it go...take a vacation from it. Be prepared with your backup plans and then wait to see what happens, Because worrying is negative goal setting. What you dwell on is what you get--instead, dwell on what you want in your career and home life.

Also step back and take a good look at the person you have become!!!!!!! Pat yourself on the back for all the business and personal growth you've experienced! Look back at the lessons you've learned and the obstacles you overcame in the past. Revisit the successes and feel the pride of your accomplishments.

You've shown resiliency in your past jobs by taking criticism and rejection well. You've learned to listen to others and their opinions, and have built credibility by remaining even-tempered through frustrating and stressful situations. You have already developed these strong leadership traits, and they will help you rebound from the current setbacks too.

Also, don't forget the many contacts you have made over the years too. These are people who thought you had potential so they mentored, coached and counseled you to overcome personal and business roadblocks to become the success you are today. If you should find yourself without a job, these people are there to help you again.....to perhaps a job that is even better than the one you have now.

Since your personal and business lives are not really separated, you are probably letting the feelings of rejection and failure of your marriage color everything you do. Remember that people grow in different directions at different times, and you are not responsible for everything that another person does or feels.

What happened with your marriage is more about him than you in your case. You were caught in the crossfire of his dysfunctional upbringing that he refused to get help for as an adult. He didn't reject you, he rejected himself and his own decisions that didn't work out as he expected, so don't
beat yourself up or let your self worth suffer.

This is an opportunity in disguise. You can't feel it yet, but you are lucky to be your own single person again....and before long, as the divorce is completed and you begin to enjoy the new life with others and other interests, you'll realize how lucky you are! Relax and start expecting wonderful things, and wonderful things will come...in due time! Don't look back...look forward ....find enjoyment in every day things for the time being.

Remember, growth is coming to you, your children, family supporters, co-workers and everyone connected to you....lessons are being learned right and left....and everyone will be stronger, more knowledgeable and happier because of it! Your children are learning to nurture and care about others' feelings as well as be resilient, which will make them good partners, team players and leaders some day too. Look how close you have become with your family members and co-workers through this. You probably didn't know they could love you and care about you so much. Start by counting all your many blessings!

Make your backup plan, conserve your resources in case your budget gets tighter, and then put on your blinders.....and don't forget to plan the fun times you want to have by yourself or with others to recharge.

Start the collage (clippings of pictures and words from magazines of things you want) to hang on your wall again, and watch how those things start showing up in your life!!!!! What you see in your picture can help you look forward to your new, exciting future. Keep adding pictures as you see them. 

Collages have hung in my office and home for the last twenty years. And guess what happened? All of the things on them have materialized -- sometimes to my amazement! Some have taken longer than others though.

Remember, BE RESILIENT by taking the "if only..." statement out of your
thinking and transform it into "next time..." You can do this by learning from your mistakes and using the knowledge to create positive changes in your life. In the face of adversity, be honest with yourself to see your own mistakes for what they are without blame (to yourself or others). Reflect on what could have been done another way, and then have the courage to try again. Great leaders and partners are made this way.

Smile and enjoy the adventure ahead of you! Your resiliency will help you
through whatever comes your way!


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JJ's FAVORITE QUOTES:
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"Learn how to be happy with what you have while you pursue all that you
want." 
-- Jim Rohn

"Seek out that particular mental attribute which makes you feel most deeply and vitally alive, along with which comes the inner voice which says, 'This is the real me,' and when you have found that attitude, follow it."
-- William James 

"Happiness is an attitude of mind, born of the simple determination to be happy under all outward circumstances."
-- J. Donald Walters


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ABOUT JJ:
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JJ Lauderbaugh, CMC
408 445-1590 or 800 500-9656, 1716 Husted Ave., San Jose, CA 95124.

JJ works with companies that want to give exceptional customer service to
increase sales, and with Directors and Call Center/Help Desk Managers who want to improve human performance.

She's an international speaker, trainer, facilitator and certified management consultant (CMC) on customer service management, specializing in performance improvement, call centers, up/cross selling and outbound calling.

For training resources, free articles, tips and streaming video, go to our web site at:

http://www.JJLauderbaugh.com

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JJ