SITUATION QUESTION:
Have you ever wanted to tell a coworker that, "Working with you is killing me"? How many times in your work journey have you felt stressed, angered or emotionally exhausted with others working above, below or beside you? How long have these feelings been going on, and have you ever wanted to quit your job because of them? Did you ever tell someone else or just yourself (in your self talk) that you hate your job?

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SOLUTIONS:
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Help is on the way! There are several solutions available to you!

In evaluating the environment of the companies I work with, before conducting training or delivering a keynote program, I will do one-on-one confidential interviews with all levels of staff in the company. From front line employees to the CEO, President or Chairman of the Board, I have heard similar comments and frustrations during my interviews.

When an outside consultant gains employees' trust, they will tell them things that they would never tell anyone else in the company. This is what I've experienced, company after company. They tell me it's like "therapy" because someone is finally asking their opinions on how to make their company or department a better place to work without so many frustrations. 

It's okay that they dump all their emotional work problems on me because that's why I'm there--to make a difference--to make suggestions to management, and deliver useful training to everyone in the company without breaking confidences.

The person in the middle of a work conflict very often will have great ideas on how to fix the problems, but will be reluctant to give me permission to quote them. Their fear kicks in and they often tell me they are afraid of retaliation and the possible loss of their job. When this happens, I know their manager has not earned their trust, and probably has not had management training.

That's when my work begins. They need to learn that trust is an essential trait that managers must have to be successful. Learning to communicate well and trouble shoot problems may not have been essential in their previous jobs, but they are now, so they must reach out for it even if the company doe not provide it.

Too often I find that supervisors and managers are elevated because they were successful doing their previous jobs, but then find themselves floundering as they try to manage former peers. If this is the case with your manager, you will need to MANAGE UPWARD. First, you must accept the fact that your boss has limitations, and then take responsibility for improving the relationship and the frustrating situations that are occurring. 

This reminds me of an article in the Silicon Valley/San Jose BUSINESS JOURNAL a year ago. It was written by Jim Pawlak, who is a freelance book reviewer and writer from Michigan. The article was titled: Dealing with toxic coworkers, learning from the best. He talked about a new book called, "Working with You Is Killing Me -- Free Yourself from Emotional Traps at Work" by Katherine Crowley and Kathi Elster, Warner Business Books.

I immediately went on line to Amazon.com and ordered this national bestseller book in paperback. Much to my surprise, it took a full year before it could be shipped in March, 2007, but it was well worth the wait!

Pawlak's review intrigued me when he wrote, "In this book, you'll find an aspirin for most of the headaches your coworkers cause. You'll be able to identify stressful situations and avoid playing into them." He went on to talk about the five most emotionally-toxic games played in the workplace. These are the top three: the Exploder manager who talks about teamwork but blows up when something goes wrong, the Empty Pit who is the person who burdens others about their personal problems, which plays on emotional heartstrings, and the Saboteur who starts as your friend, and turns into a back-stabber.

Since I deal with all of these types and others in my consulting and speaking business, I have found the book fascinating! It is packed full of very helpful advice that gives you a different perspective on toxic situations. It helps you recognize the part YOU play in them, and how you can to turn them around IF you are willing to put out the effort.

Remember, you can't change anyone else, you can only change yourself. But, when you change yourself enough, you can influence others in a positive direction. Also, you don't lose anything in the process. You just acquire more options to deal with the situations to create a more enjoyable workplace AND home life. One carries over to the other if you've noticed.

You will also find information on: The Five Pivotal Practices of Managing Up, and Difficult and Extreme Bosses -- How to Keep Your Sanity.

Publisher Weekly said of this book: "Empowering...a highly practical and easily implemented guide...As valuable to readers on the top rungs of the corporate ladder as it is to those near the bottom. Readers in the throes of a work crisis can find a relevant case study to lead them to relief from any situation."

So if your work journey has become a frustration, free yourself from the emotional traps and regain control of work situations that are out of hand.

The ideas in this book could be JUST what is needed to put the joy, fun and feelings of accomplishment back into your workplace. Then, each day you'll look forward to going to work again.

Enjoy the journey!

JJ's FAVORITE QUOTES:

"Happiness is an attitude of mind, born of the simple determination to be happy under all outward circumstances."
-- J. Donald Walters

"The happiness of your life depends upon the quality of your thoughts take care that you entertain no notions unsuitable to virtue and reasonable nature." 
-- Marcus Aurelius

"Learn how to be happy with what you have while you pursue all that you
want." 
-- Jim Rohn

"To be happy at home is the ultimate result of all ambition."
-- Samuel Johnson

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EVALUATION OF YOUR ENVIRONMENT:
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http://www.jjlauderbaugh.com/about.html

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ABOUT JJ:
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JJ Lauderbaugh, CMC
408 445-1590 or 800 500-9656, 1716 Husted Ave., San Jose, CA 95124.

JJ works with companies that want to give exceptional customer service to
increase sales, and with Directors and Call Center/Help Desk Managers who want to improve human performance.

She's an international speaker, trainer, facilitator and certified management consultant (CMC) on customer service management, specializing in performance improvement, call centers, up/cross selling and outbound calling.

For training resources, free articles, tips and streaming video, go to our
web site at:

http://www.JJLauderbaugh.com

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Thanks,

JJ