Communicating Through Stress

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JJ's Tips in this issue:

* Communicating Through Stress & Change
* JJ's Quote on the Price of Resisting Change
* Resources to Learn More
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Use these tips as training tools. Present the problem to your group and
brainstorm solutions together. Then read JJ's tips and discuss them.

Also I invite you to submit your own situation question to be answered in an
upcoming newsletter.

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SITUATION QUESTION: Communicating Through Stress & Change
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How can I change the people in my office to be more cooperative with me
during stressful times?

We're all doing more jobs now since we were reorganized and downsized last
year. We seem to be pushing each other's buttons at work and at home too.

What is the best way to deal with this problem?

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SOLUTIONS:
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1. Remember, we don't have the power to change anyone else, we only have
the power to change ourselves. If we change ourselves enough, we just might
be able to influence others in a positive direction.

2. Realize that too much to do in too short a time stresses us at the same
time we're having to function in different ways.

The stress tightens our bodies and brains, giving us headaches and other
pains. We begin to have disaster fantasies around the situation. Then our
efficiency and perspectives are lost, making us self centered and even angry
at others for not cooperating with us.

3. Start with practicing good time management and stress reduction
exercises. (Email JJ if you'd like some tips on these.)

4. You can change the way you react the next time you are confronted with
an uncooperative and stressed co-worker, or perhaps someone in your personal
life.

5. Remember to stop and get in their shoes to feel their frustration.

If they're obviously upset, and perhaps even taking it out on you with angry
words or passiveness (frowns), look for the commitment under the upset.

They're probably committed to doing a good job, meeting deadlines or looking
good and they're not getting what they need to meet those commitments.

So they push back because we're an obstacle in the way or a point of frustration.

6. KEY POINT to remember! It's not about you, it's about them! ***

7. Hear what they're saying and also read between the lines on what they're
not saying.

8. Empathize with them on their lack of time and extra help to accomplish
their commitments. Show them you feel and recognize their frustration. Ask
what you can do to help.

This is when they will realize that they are being self centered and pushing
back at you with their anger. As you stay calm, thinking only of their
feelings, they will begin to voice possible solutions to the situation
themselves.

This is the beginning of cooperation, compromise and teamwork, which adds up
to partnering and creating a working relationship with them. (Use it in your
personal relationships to eliminate emotional upsets and potential disasters too.)

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SUMMARY
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***Getting cooperation starts with being in their shoes and making it
about them and not you.

*** Make the effort to forget yourself temporarily and reach out to the
other person through the stressful time. Later a sense of humor, exercised
at the right time, can also be of tremendous help to break the tension.

***To minimize stress, surrender to change immediately so you can create a
new comfort zone for yourself as quickly as possible. I found I hated the
word surrender at first, but later embraced it as a major key to my success.

***Encourage cooperation with your stressed teammates by having a standup
sharing meeting periodically. Everyone can increase productivity and
cooperation by sharing some of the ways they've discovered how to cut
stress, wasted time and reinventing the wheel. Sharing new successes brings
on accolades and bolsters self esteem and team sprit.

It's a triple win for you, your company and ultimately, your customer.

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JJ's Quote:

If you don't make changes when changes are due, you'll bring in drama and
trauma to make those changes anyway!

(Example: Getting a traffic ticket for speeding after telling yourself to slow down!)

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Other Resources To Hone Your Skills:
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About JJ:
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JJ Lauderbaugh, CPCM

408 866-7673 or 800 500-9656, 189 Altura Vista Dr., Los Gatos, CA 95032.

JJ works with companies that want to give world class service and with
Directors and Managers who want to grow their people. Specialties are
performance improvement, customer care, teamwork, up selling, soft
skills and management coaching, training and consulting.

For training resources, free articles, tips and streaming video, go to our
web site at http://www.JJLauderbaugh.com

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Copyright and Reprints
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Reprint permission is granted when the following credit appears: © JJ
Lauderbaugh, CPCM, Lauderbaugh & Associates, Inc., 2003. Reprinted with
permission from JJ's Tips, a monthly internet newsletter. For your own
personal subscription, email jj@jjlauderbaugh.com.
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